he’ll be back soon.  like in may.  like… next month.

i’m excited.

but.

dude.

we’ll be living together.  i won’t be able to get away with not shaving my legs for weeks.  what.  i said it.  weeks people.  you’re jealous.  who’s lookin’?  who’s been feelin’ them?  exactly.  you’re totally jealous.  shortest, most longest luxurious showers EV ER.  and i don’t have to shave.

not that he says he cares.  but i just ran my hand through…. i mean on.  i mean over.  uh…. and.

we’ll be in the same city.  the same freaking city.  the same zip code.  under the same roof.  all the time.  all the time, people! 

i started this blog, well, the latest version of it, when he was on his way over there to finish his degree.  i started it to distract me.  and it has. 

you have.

all of you.

and i couldn’t imagine the people i’ve met, the women who have commented, the osmosisister and other sister and other girls, and the ones across the pond (and that guy), the relationships that have formed… the intricacies that have grown.  oh man, the blogs i have forced my friends and family into (i created them, AH AH AH AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!).  and the ones i totally forgot to list here.  those who wish to remain anonymous…you ain’t listed here, dolls.

and i’m attached to all of you.  to all of this.  to my daily stats (march 19th, how good you were to me–and i didn’t even have to whore my link out in an email to aforementioned friends and family), to the amount of comments, to the searches that get you here, to the subscribers.  hello, i love you won’t you tell me your name.

and that girl, that girl who was so scared of long distance (and swore she would die from it–what, i can refer to myself in the third person).  the one who hates flying, but loves to fly.  the one who got through it.  and flew on planes.  six flights.  three cities. in eight months.  with one more flight and one more city within the month.  did i mention the moth attacks?  the ones with red beady eyes and briefcases?  wow.  we got through it.  one more month is nothing.  one more month and he’ll be home?  piece of cake.  one month is not three months.  one month is not four months.  one month is not ten months.

remember how i missed him?  oh, the angst!

and now…

the next phase…

moving in together. 

like, forever.

getting to school on time, getting to work on time, getting lunches made, dinners planned… oh shit.  there’s a deposit right there in that account.  and it has a comma in it.  and it like means i’m grown up.  that means we’re a family.

oh shit.  wait.  shave my legs?  sports center?  baseball season?  college basketball season?

oh… legs tangled in mine.  sweet face next to me.  that heart, his heart right here.  in the car.  in the kitchen.  doing dishes.  at the movies, with a bottle of wine, in the middle of the pillows, on the couch…

well. i will write.  i do write.  and i will pose questions.  i have this other little blog that i started i don’t even know how long ago.  i wanted to keep it sacred.  this other journey that i was going on.  something different from the eff bombs and jesus cristos posted about here. 

because we’re family.  us three.  and us seven.  and us fifty. 

if i had a blog for every subject i wanted to write about… well… i gues i’d have like, three blogs. 

========

i just went back to the beginning, when i knew he was leaving.  end of may, 2007.  he left june 15th, 2007.  it’s almost been a  year.  this year stretched out like a sentence before me. 

pain, hurt, missing, ache.

but now. 

now i’m here.

and we’re here.

and it really is okay.

it really was.

i wanted to be in this place now.  then.  and here we go again.

on going through hard times:  we always want to be at the end of it.  and when we’re at the end of it, we get to look back.  and we get to tell the people in the beginning of it…

“you’ll be through it soon enough.”  but when you’re at the beginning, when the pain is fresh and new and an open wound, an open sore that shrieks at every breath, that dies every night, you want to be at the end.

but you can’t.  you can’t be at the end until you go through it.

and when you’re in the beginning of it, the people telling you that “you will get through this and it will all be a blur”… they’re all idiots and don’t know anything.  and they are clearly being condescending and don’t know anything.

until you’re through it.

back to the shaving legs part…

I HAVEN’T SHAVED MY LEGS IN THREE DAYS AND I WON’T SHAVE THEM FOR ANOTHER MONTH!!

HAHAHAHA!!

okay, i was looking for the video with just vezzini’s laugh.